Ruthless Rye: Read Bearded Rye

The sun had set turning my study ever so dark. I finished my espresso and put down my copy of the New Yorker when I heard the telephone ring. It was Barfolomäus,
"My apologies, but I'll be a tidbit past."
"Please," I said, "I have important things to do myself. It wouldn't be trifle. We'll meet at Winston's instead."
"Splendid. I'll see you soon."
"Ciao."
"Bon Jovi."

At a quarter past, I made my way to the wine & ale shoppe known as Winston's Spirits. After walking down the rosé isle I found myself in the ales. My eyes caught sight of a diamond in the rough. I reached out and discovered her name was Ruth, she was visiting from the West. A place known as Nevada, Sierra Nevada.

We exchanged some words then brought her to Barfolomäus'.  Upon settling in his parlor we each popped her top off and had one. Well, this Ruthless young lady is quite the Rye!

WTF?

This is a beer review, right?

What's a Rye?

Sierra Nevada's Ruthless Rye IPA has the sweetness of a Budweiser. The rye and hop flavors create a Ruthless Rye with a mid-to-heavy weight IPA. Like any delicious IPA should be, you won't be shotgunning this lady but you'll be tempted to!

'But the Rye good sir. Whom was it that caught her in the Rye?'

I am glad you mentioned this. Not only is the Catcher some creep running around in a field trying to catch kids (his alibi is "saving" them... we'll save it for the trial) but he's also getting stoned on this delicious Rye Malt! Go ask JD Salinger. Oh, you wanted to know about rye beer? Like fuck if I know, I just know what Rye bread is and that's what I expected to drink.

Waiter, there's a Rye in my Beer!
• Rye is a Cereal Grain
• has a taste of spices and/or sour grains (think sour-dough, not Sour Patch Kids...)
• It's trendy to be in an IPA!

A Tumultuous Spring

You know you're pretentiously drinking when your beer says "Tumultuous." And no, that was not a dictionary I was holding, that was War and Peace... So about that Rye IPA.

This ain't your Grandpa's beer!

Wait, yes it is.

This ain't your grandma's beer!

Well, unless her name is Ruth... Ah, forget it.

This isn't your kind of beer unless you'd like a somewhat dry, rye flavor but don't forget the bite from it's IPA style. If you don't know Rye, stop by the bakery, ask for a slice. Seriously. Don't even think going to that crass supermarket for Levi's Jewish Rye. You fool! It isn't anything of the sort. That's just white rye bread. You go to a bakery to taste rye bread. We have class here at Pretentious Drinking and supermarkets certainly do not. Unless they sell Sierra Nevada, then they're middle class but still not classy.

Now I must be honest (This one is for the ladies), Ruthless may look like woman but she tastes like a dark, red beard. Not a red bearded man but the beard itself. Something of quite the ruffian who has a heart of gold. That's who Ruth is! ...but what does a bearded man taste like?

The Low Down

Getting smashed on a full stomach means you won't be having a six-pack in one sitting but good Lord, you'll want to try! Just don't ruin your evening at the ball when you projectile vomit all over the guests -By George! That was the Duke's wife!

This Ruthless ale is worthy of any attention should you fancy the fancier drinks. Not of the weak at heart, you better like 'em gristly and interdasting. Picture drinking Ernest Hemingway, the epitome of Man.
There's no homoeroticism in this review... right?

What'chyouwant?

If you've been foolish enough to waste your time reading thus far, your in luck, or drunkenly in luck. I'm painfully shaping my pen-style but I'd like to know what you think. What's missing? Is there too much corn and not enough rye? More of a breakdown on the beer? More Beer? More, More, More! It's never enough for you low-life creatures!

Cheers.