(Native South) American IPA by Kuka

It was not what I expected from seeing a Mayan-looking drawing on the front and it definitely wasn’t what I think of as “American” Let me backtrack a little. The word America/n is what I think of as the USA. Sadly I don’t think, “American” as North or South American. I only think of North or South when explicitly stated so. For example, the North American Natives known as the Mayans compared to The Americans known as the Mayans.

Excuse me but I’ve just been informed that I am an egit for calling it Mayan. Kuka is word from the Andes and Mayans were in Souther Mexico. As the Andean Brewing Company says,

In native Andean language, Aymaran, "kuka," means "food for workers and travelers," a reference to the bounty provided by gods.  It was used to refer to the Coca plant and how its leaves played a major role in religious and social ceremonies of Andean indigenous civilizations.

Please note: At Pretentious Drinking we act like we know but don’t claim to actually know a thing.

Okay, okay semantics aside. An “American IPA” is exactly what this tastes like (The Brewery is based in New York) and is why I have been enjoying this six pack. It has the punch a good ale, specifically an IPA should have: She’s that sweet floral mother you always wanted to drink (what?!) There’s a bite that lingers after she goes down with a spicy pinch  and it goes down with some gravitas (that’s weight/gravity you ig’nant Sonofa…) With a moderate alcohol content of 6.2% you’ll be enjoying yourself only after a few bitter-sweet moments.

Kuka says their American IPA is brewed with maca root. From what I read (ain’t I so smarts?) the root can vary from sweet to bitter-sweet flavors as the color of the root varies. What I find interesting is both could work but which is it?! Kuka, I demand an answer! Is it Sweet, is it Bitter? Where can I compare the two? Blasted fancy beers convoluting my pretentious mind!

Its time again, time to say adu. I am off to the Andes… well Nawlins to visit a good friend and well known writer to himself.  If you have any New Orleans based brews let me know and I’ll grab ‘em before I leave. Maybe you’ll get a Pretentious review out of it…

Cheers.

Genesee

 It was a long day at the desk of my financial, corporate headquarters in an undisclosed location (Rochester, NY) and I was sweating like a seasick sailor, dying of heat. I presume the only difference being a spotless office with air conditioning and no disgusting, salted bearded men. Oh the horror! I concluded to make haste at once . (May I say, It’s tiring work making money by having money). I dashed home, my sports car slicing through the muggy air.

Upon reaching the front of my townhouse, I immediately swung open the door, announcing to the house of my arrival (The truth is I live alone and the maid only finishes around seven). I found my favorite chair, a large , leather-brown lazyboy. Next to it in the corner of the library was my pipe, a tobacco tin and the latest novel of my fancy, all waiting to be devoured. I eased into the chair and began packing the pipe. Once lit, I reached for the book when I noticed Genesee...

Another beer review you say? You’ve gone mad! Mad as the last one who asked for a review. I digress. Let us delve into the world of

Pretentious Drinking

Genesee Cream Ale

You may be thinking I am pulling upon your pant leg. No, no I am not. Nor am I pulling on any "legs" or "pants" despite how hard you try. I am of outstanding reputation in places of near a far. I come here to be pretend(tious) drinking away but a day on the water will make you thirsty for a refreshing drink. Some may thinking of Gin and tonics, Buds, Caronas, Heinekens, hell, even water with half a twist of lemon and two ice cubes (three would be disastrous) but today? Today calls for a change of pace. We're heading to the Southeast portion of the Great Lakes for a beer brewed around Lake Ontario and Rochester, New York.

Genesee: Cream Ale is what its label says. A Genesee Cream Ale. You know what a cream ale is... right? (For Great Gatsby sake!)

Cream Ales are the lighter end of the spectrum of beer, practically an American Pale Lager. Think Amstel, Budweiser, Pabst Blue Ribbon (You fucking hipster). We are near the lightest end of the beer spectrum. Sometimes cold conditioned, these beers are intended to be void of flavor and possess the ease of going down "smooth". This approach is (I suspect) why these beers are of the masses, an indistinguishable, easy to drink and simple to sell in today’s times. These light beers are slowly becoming the small guys as the micro-brew bubble grows.

Genesee is an old company in micro-brew standards (1878) and the Cream ale is just as impressive with its 53 year old age, competing with the big boys like Bud.

Stay Cool.

I warned you earlier. This is no cruise on a yacht but a fishing trip with a cooler filled with beer. You’ll want to keep your Genesee chilled. Like a Coors that's sat in a room too long, this Cream Ale won't last long in the heat, nor should it. You're drinking it because you thirst a quench of... thirst. Genesee. Whether you're out at Wall St or our trolling, Genesee calls you. She needs you. Drink her before she gets flat!

So what's the catch? It's $1.29... for a tallboy. Yeah I said it, 24oz for a buck twenty-nine. It's a steal. Plus you look fancy since no one knows what Genesee is. But they will know you are one pretentious motherf-.

Let us make a distinction, Genny's Cream Ale is not a Budweiser. The sweet taste is very slight compared to Bud. Whatever it is Genesse is doing with the flavor and the brewing, it's more up my alley. Sometimes a bud is just too sweet for a refreshing, light beer to quench my thirst... demanding more thirst. Mmm beeeeer.

Thanks again for joining me in my rambling adventures about drinking and pretending to know it all. Cheers.
Cute "timeline" of the Creamer here

Founders Breakfast Stout

Grab your bib a soupspoon and a mug, it's time for breakfast. A pretentious breakfast. And drunks, lots of drunks. I mean drinks, drunks, whatever! Just finish eating your oatmeal and maybe you'll be allowed to have a sip of the Founders Breakfast Stout.

This drink is too good to do alone so we video taped it onto VHS, played it back onto Betamax then decided we should let you see it so we video taped the betamax onto youtube. Cheers:

Ruthless Rye: Read Bearded Rye

The sun had set turning my study ever so dark. I finished my espresso and put down my copy of the New Yorker when I heard the telephone ring. It was Barfolomäus,
"My apologies, but I'll be a tidbit past."
"Please," I said, "I have important things to do myself. It wouldn't be trifle. We'll meet at Winston's instead."
"Splendid. I'll see you soon."
"Ciao."
"Bon Jovi."

At a quarter past, I made my way to the wine & ale shoppe known as Winston's Spirits. After walking down the rosé isle I found myself in the ales. My eyes caught sight of a diamond in the rough. I reached out and discovered her name was Ruth, she was visiting from the West. A place known as Nevada, Sierra Nevada.

We exchanged some words then brought her to Barfolomäus'.  Upon settling in his parlor we each popped her top off and had one. Well, this Ruthless young lady is quite the Rye!

WTF?

This is a beer review, right?

What's a Rye?

Sierra Nevada's Ruthless Rye IPA has the sweetness of a Budweiser. The rye and hop flavors create a Ruthless Rye with a mid-to-heavy weight IPA. Like any delicious IPA should be, you won't be shotgunning this lady but you'll be tempted to!

'But the Rye good sir. Whom was it that caught her in the Rye?'

I am glad you mentioned this. Not only is the Catcher some creep running around in a field trying to catch kids (his alibi is "saving" them... we'll save it for the trial) but he's also getting stoned on this delicious Rye Malt! Go ask JD Salinger. Oh, you wanted to know about rye beer? Like fuck if I know, I just know what Rye bread is and that's what I expected to drink.

Waiter, there's a Rye in my Beer!
• Rye is a Cereal Grain
• has a taste of spices and/or sour grains (think sour-dough, not Sour Patch Kids...)
• It's trendy to be in an IPA!

A Tumultuous Spring

You know you're pretentiously drinking when your beer says "Tumultuous." And no, that was not a dictionary I was holding, that was War and Peace... So about that Rye IPA.

This ain't your Grandpa's beer!

Wait, yes it is.

This ain't your grandma's beer!

Well, unless her name is Ruth... Ah, forget it.

This isn't your kind of beer unless you'd like a somewhat dry, rye flavor but don't forget the bite from it's IPA style. If you don't know Rye, stop by the bakery, ask for a slice. Seriously. Don't even think going to that crass supermarket for Levi's Jewish Rye. You fool! It isn't anything of the sort. That's just white rye bread. You go to a bakery to taste rye bread. We have class here at Pretentious Drinking and supermarkets certainly do not. Unless they sell Sierra Nevada, then they're middle class but still not classy.

Now I must be honest (This one is for the ladies), Ruthless may look like woman but she tastes like a dark, red beard. Not a red bearded man but the beard itself. Something of quite the ruffian who has a heart of gold. That's who Ruth is! ...but what does a bearded man taste like?

The Low Down

Getting smashed on a full stomach means you won't be having a six-pack in one sitting but good Lord, you'll want to try! Just don't ruin your evening at the ball when you projectile vomit all over the guests -By George! That was the Duke's wife!

This Ruthless ale is worthy of any attention should you fancy the fancier drinks. Not of the weak at heart, you better like 'em gristly and interdasting. Picture drinking Ernest Hemingway, the epitome of Man.
There's no homoeroticism in this review... right?

What'chyouwant?

If you've been foolish enough to waste your time reading thus far, your in luck, or drunkenly in luck. I'm painfully shaping my pen-style but I'd like to know what you think. What's missing? Is there too much corn and not enough rye? More of a breakdown on the beer? More Beer? More, More, More! It's never enough for you low-life creatures!

Cheers.